I was doing some thinking on the bus today.
Do we hurt ourselves because we are afraid that others will be the ones to harm us?
We cut ourselves, attempt suicide, commit suicide, abuse alcohol and drugs, wallow in self-pity - all in attempt to mask these fears. We keep our mind distracted, busy with self-incflicted pain to keep our mind from reaching the ultimately universal truth:
We are terrified of others toppling our walls, touching a nerve, cracking our shells, breaking our hearts.
Then, I decided to give humankind more credit. We aren't all cowards who run from reality.
Do we hurt ourselves make ourselves feel better? Is it because we need the assurance that someone out there still cares?
We feel lonely in our rooms in the middle of the night, with only our thoughts. Do we do these foolish things to get attention? To be noticed? To feel reassured that somebody cares and worries about you. It's kind of selfish, but I know it happens.
Do we hurt ourselves because we fear change?
We purposely stumble and scrape our knees - buying us time to 'nurse our wounds' and enlongating our stay in the same place. Not wanting to move foward, into the unknown. A social excuse to not deal with our problems and reality. Do we believe that, if things don't change - if things stay the same, we will be happier? Familiartiy breeds comfort. Comfort is security. Is security love, though?
When I was home, I came to the conclusion that we are born to be afraid. We are scared of being hurt. So, we injure ourselves to know what it feels like - hoping if the time comes - it'd only hurt so much, and we'd be used to it.
It's never the same - because you don't see it coming. That's what's most painful.
Tell me, are you afraid?
Enough of that. I was just thinking.
End Rant.
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